You know, by now you're probably already thinking: "Oh dear, I guess he has lost it completely now. Who in their right mind could hate Christmas?"
And well yeah, I guess you've got a point. Sure, you've got the handful of children who associate Christmas with heavily inebriated parents and abuse, or the homeless people that has to endure the visual taunts of steaks and turkey in shop windows while they themselves are confined to eating refuse. But hey, let's forget about them; Christmas is a happy time and we shouldn't depress ourselves by thinking of the less fortunate. Self-nurturing in front of compassion, and all that jazz that usually belongs in Republican ideologies.
Another reason why you might think I'm off my knob, is that I'm bringing this up in October. Since I regard most of you to have some sort of periodically triggered brain functions, you'd probably understand that October has pretty fucking little to do with December, which is the target month after all. It's true too, bringing up Christmas in October would be like playing an April's Fools joke on somebody in February; although while in the former category people would think you're rather silly, they'd probably think of you as more of a cunt in the latter. Anyways, this is also why I was shellshocked four days ago. A friend told me that he was gonna go to a local furniture store to pick up an armchair for his mum, and guess what met him when he entered the front doors?
Fucking Santa Claus.
In October.
Now I'm sure the guy is growing senile and all, what with his apparent age of OVER 9000, but still, this is no reason to confuse cozy layers of December snow with the frigid drizzle and nipple-raping winds of October. (Welcome to Norway.) I started seeing the trend elsewhere too, the Christmas-marzipan is already for sale in grocery stores, and our mailbox have recieved ridiculous amounts of spam from various companies wishing to capitalize on the huge fucking cashfest that is Christmas.
And that is the problem. Companies. Infact, I think I'd just say that money is the problem. Each year "Christmas" starts earlier, and each year, we're being forcefed more and more and MORE flashy lights, 'special holiday offers' (that remarkably enough still count after New Year), beggars for humanitarian organizations, and all in all so much general nuisance that it makes me want to claw my eyes out in frustration and stalk various children while dressed up as a zombified version of one of the happy little elves.
Where are the old times when Christmas was something that began sneakily approaching you? Like a cute deer that you'd like to give biscuits but it's not exactly sure if you want to feed it or decapitate it and rape her children. On the 1st of December I was always euphoric in the morning as it meant that I could start counting down to the 24th, also known as "the best day of the year." Nowadays, the cute deer has been switched out with a slobbering mammoth that demands food, and huge amounts of it too. For what is a Christmas celebration nowadays without LOADS of obnoxious lights on your house, the BIGGEST tree in the neighborhood (even though you conceal it behind half a ton of glitter), and the MOST EXPENSIVE gifts for your friends so you can be assured that you've bested them this year? I'll tell you, it's regarded a joke.
Christmas isn't meant to be a bloody contest. I never really cared much about what my friends had gotten for Christmas as much as I did appreciate it when they let me play with their toys. I was usually happy if I got a few of the things I wanted. The tree was always pretty enough and I were pretty content with the diminutive Christmas decorations on the front door. You could argue that with the loss of my childish spirit I also lost the devotion for Christmas, but no, that's not true.
Please don't misunderstand me here, I actually like Christmas. I hate "Christmas" though, you know, the big race up until the actual holidays. It kind of waters the final joy a bit, and the decorations and oncoming spirit has already stopped exciting me before the end of November. I can't say I appreciate the ongoing marketing campaigns and eager monetary exchange either.
I guess there's only one way to fight "Christmas". Denial. I still stand stubbornly by my traditions. No buying of Christmas products before December. Hell, if necessary, I'll blindfold myself when walking through the malls. Hopefully I'll hit an October-Santa in the crotch when I accidentally walk (RUN) into them.
Subject: Hampsters Weekly (Sorry CMon) 
